mkay. well i havent updated this journal in awhile. well. a few things are on my mind right now..actually, ALOT of things are on my mind right now. well spring break is just around the corner, i am totally excited about it. i cant imagine how much fun its going to be. but also, in a way..idk, i guess im not TOTALLY SUPER excited about it. and honestly, idk if im ready for summer anymore. You see, i have this best friend. YES. im calling her my best friend, cause she truely is. and when i say shes my best friend..i mean it. Amy Le. i have never met a girl like amy le. nope. she is amazing. really. this is the type of person where i literally can tell her anything. i love it. i love her. and i hate it when people say i cant say shes my best friend when i havent known her long enough. wtf. seriously, theres a huge difference between knowing someone longer, and knowing someone better. and honestly, from the first DAY i met her, i knew we were going to be close. the first day we met eachother we passed notes in class when we sat right next to eachother..we would giggle so much we had to hold our mouths tightly so we wont burst out laughing. 
little things like that get to me. and even when i see amy for like a few seconds for one day..you know im just glad to know she has a smile on her face. but she will be in north carolina in the summer. it sucks. like seriously. i think im gonna be so miserable im going to die. i think about how this summer will turn out. and honestly, i dont want to think about it. you know, i see my best friends talking about it, like "ohh yeah summers gonna be great! like the last summer! ahh i cant wait, we will do everything the same like last summer." you know, if you plan it out and think aobut it, when the day comes your going to end up probably disapointed cause it didnt work out the way you PLANNED it so i mean just relax..let things happen. and it will be like an adventure everyday! haha <P>annd okay theres this boy. acutally. idk this friend and i mean i thought i liked him..in fact im pretty sure i loved him. but things are way different now, and i guess ill ahve to accept that. but sometimes i just think he does stuff on purpose in front of my face just too see my reaction..? or something idk..but whatever hes trying to do its def working. well hes with this other girl. i dont have a problem with it..but i mean it hurts in an awkward way cause i mean me and him have been through alot AND between her me and him at one point..and i mean just seeing them now its like..i cant explain. something just kills me inside. idk what it is, but it makes me want to break down and just swing my arms around him and just cry. i think im weird for having these feelings. but i cant say i like him cause i dont. hes my best friend. and the sad thing is, we dont <u>even</u> act like it. i love tessa. shes so full of life. i mean really, she is my best friend...forever. sometimes i think other/certian people manipulate her. it kills me to see that too. she may not even know it. but i <i>see</i> it. but im not going to force/ or control her to not hang out or to hang out with certain people, but i really want her to be careful and just think independently. 
ahhhh i love her!' ahh this sort of helped me out -ashlyn | 
